verboodles
words life beer laughter words life beer laughter

don't just do something. stand there!

this post is my attempt to keep one more new year resolution (to blog more). even if my other resolution is to not believe in new year's resolutions.

btw, it's six days into the new year and i have already spent more money than i should and i am still fat.

i did try to do the xanga rounds and it was a pleasure to read blogs from some old friends. wow, a lot of you are still around. i did try to leave some comments but i was just to lazy to type. so i just said 'em aloud (the comments), and hope you get the vibe.

in other news, one of time magazine's best new words for 2007 is vajayjay. that, and ignoranus, made my year. for the american dialect society, it was subprime (an adjective used to describe a risky or less than ideal loan, mortgage, or investment), which i did not like very much. among the candidates was Googlegänger (a person with your name who shows up when you google yourself).

i also wanted to learn to cook? but i kept running out of thyme.

there were a lot of things i wanted to say when i started to blog, but now my mind is starting to wander. please cut me some slacks. behind every cloud is a silver lightning.

may today be the breast time of your life. life is good. cease the day!

(ps. some of the humor and one-liners here are not new. i plagiarized them from some book about words of wisdumb.)

and so it continues...

in other news, the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing of one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's(2005)winners:

• Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. 
• Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole. 
•  Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
• Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. 
• Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 
• Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. 
• Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. 
• Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 
• Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
• Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
• Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
• Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
• Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
• Glibido: All talk and no action.
• Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
• Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
• Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
• Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating  

this is a pretty happy list. i love ignoranus, and i have tried to use it at least once everyday. one more attempt at pointless perfection.

i only have these words to add:

• masturbake (v): when you play with yourself while waiting for the dough to rise.
• meataphysical (adj): when vegetarians pretend to eat meat (of or relating to a reality beyond what is perceptible to the senses)
• defecake (n): when you buy a cake? and put it in the car? and drive over potholes and stuff and do sudden brakes? that when you actually get to deliver the cake the cake looks like shit?

i am a bad boy, and i ate some beer:

i guess some things never change, huh. may your lives be filled with pointless perfection.

the somewhat almost comeback post

thank you for all the "welcome back" comments. and i feel that you guys deserve to be told some special story about why i haven't posted for so long.

but alas, all i can tell you is that from august till this month nothing really special happened. i guess i was just plain busy or lazy (or both?).

maybe:

• we attempted to enter the priesthood
• we lost our xanga password
• we keep forgetting to set our blogs public
• our maxim subscription ran out
• we got caught in cleavage (or should that be: between cleavages? does "between cleavages" denote two women?)

and then, over the past couple of months i have been trying to help a friend complete his x-men cyclops collection. let me tell you it's crazy the way some toy prices skyrocket over time just because it is supposed to be a collectible.

but it's fun. i've even started to enjoy restoring this one:

because even superheroes need to take a bath:

and a makeover:

before they can continue to save the world.

i could have chosen to save the world myself. instead i find a hobby that takes me on the road to my second (or is third? or fourth? or fifth?) childhood.

hello?

hello xanga world.

yes, i am still alive. alive and well and trying my darned best to be the hero in my own lifestory.

so many sites to visit. so many stories to tell. but in the meantime, this hero needs to figure out the new features on his xanga site.

borny: adj. to be bored and horny.

i am loving this word.

borny is what makes porn sell (though i am not quite sure what porn is selling?)
borny is why watermelons and sheep (not necessarily in that order) allow themselves to get abused by old drunk men.
borny is what gives fat and/or ugly guys like me a chance with the pretty girls (the pretty girls are borny)

borny is what makes grown ups make toys do kinky things:

(in case you're wondering, that's liquid soap)

*starts singing in his famous off-key baritone*

I love you,
You love me,
We're a happy family,
with a great big hug,
and a kiss from me to you,
Won't you say you love me TOO!

I love you,
You love me,
We're best friends like friends should be,
With a great big hug,
And a kiss from me to you,
Won't you say you love me too...

oh wait. that's barney, not borny.

i am guessing at this point (if you have gone this far) you're wondering why i even bothered to blog at all.

and the reason is this: i want you you all to know i'm alive.

still drinking a few beers here and there.

still madly passionate about the things i do, and don't do.

and still busy (but apparently not busy enough to not be borny).

spread the word: borny.